Jekyll & Hyde

Today we are in Jekyll & Hyde mode. I am feeling badly. He's as sweet as apple pie. Even apologized for keeping me waiting! Very rare. He senses my reserve. He's really controlling his anger. He promised not to get angry anymore if we can forget & forgive the past. I had to do some research on this. Glad I saw that this Jekyll & Hyde thing is usual. I know I sensed it. But I feel so crazy. I cannot trust my instincts. It is so good for me to read & learn that -- yeah -- it just does not pass the tummy test. Like I want to trust & to believe that life can be better than this. Like I do not relish the idea of being alone . . . again. What if it can work out? Am I hysterical? Sometimes I feel that I am the narcissist. So riddled with self-doubt here. Just hanging on. Trying to stay sane. Not getting suckered in again. It was helpful to read that the niceness is just another means of control. Like screaming. It's all control & manipulation. I wonder if they are conscious of what they are doing? I feel like I am paranoid. Nobody can be this evil.