Clean Slate?
My narcissist says that he wants to start with a clean slate. Forgive the past. Forgiveness. He's really sorry for everything -- EVERYTHING. (I cannot ask for clarification on what exactly is everything. Like. I know that I do not know what is important or not. & I do not infer or imagine the things that I should. Ever have anyone really angry because of what you DID NOT imagine?) Me -- I am not supposed to "rankle" any more about the past.
We had a huge fight. Really a series of huge fights over Christmas. For 18 months he's told me regularly he wants a divorce. I said no. After the holidays, & a really huge fight, where he was throwing things & sobbing on the floor like a 6 year old, he decided we needed therapy. I did not want that because it has dawned on me what exactly is happening here . . . narcissism. (Never really understood what a narcissist was.) A thought occurred to me . . . heck . . . therapist would be his ally. This is why he wants therapy. When I asked why therapy? He said, the therapist would translate what he was saying to me so that I could understand him. Did that validate my paranoia, or what? I said, No. Then he said, if you don't go to therapy, we are getting a divorce.
So we went to the therapist -- he really snookered her -- and I did not understand that which I was supposed to under the medium of therapy. Of course my Narcissist was enraged. Of course, a huge argument. Ultimately, I said I wanted a divorce. The first time I have ever said that. So this has been going back & forth a few days. Then yesterday he sends an e-mail about the clean slate thing. We talk about this last night. I was like . . . this is serious . . . I don't know. Can we like reflect?
Then he says . . . no . . . I have to know now. I don't want to get my hopes up to have them dashed again.
HIM!!! Again all about him.
You know he pulls on me. "I love you." I think like, why can't this work. Maybe he's changed. But I doubt it. Then I realize . . . no time to reflect. HE can't get his hopes up.
Oh, he like promises never to get angry again. Like can a fish walk on land?
We had a huge fight. Really a series of huge fights over Christmas. For 18 months he's told me regularly he wants a divorce. I said no. After the holidays, & a really huge fight, where he was throwing things & sobbing on the floor like a 6 year old, he decided we needed therapy. I did not want that because it has dawned on me what exactly is happening here . . . narcissism. (Never really understood what a narcissist was.) A thought occurred to me . . . heck . . . therapist would be his ally. This is why he wants therapy. When I asked why therapy? He said, the therapist would translate what he was saying to me so that I could understand him. Did that validate my paranoia, or what? I said, No. Then he said, if you don't go to therapy, we are getting a divorce.
So we went to the therapist -- he really snookered her -- and I did not understand that which I was supposed to under the medium of therapy. Of course my Narcissist was enraged. Of course, a huge argument. Ultimately, I said I wanted a divorce. The first time I have ever said that. So this has been going back & forth a few days. Then yesterday he sends an e-mail about the clean slate thing. We talk about this last night. I was like . . . this is serious . . . I don't know. Can we like reflect?
Then he says . . . no . . . I have to know now. I don't want to get my hopes up to have them dashed again.
HIM!!! Again all about him.
You know he pulls on me. "I love you." I think like, why can't this work. Maybe he's changed. But I doubt it. Then I realize . . . no time to reflect. HE can't get his hopes up.
Oh, he like promises never to get angry again. Like can a fish walk on land?
posted by Agnes Murphy at
3:08 PM
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