Divorce

I find it amazing that N has been talking about divorce from almost the beginning. Some 6 months into the marriage. The first time I remember he chased me all over the house. Followed me into a room. Closed the door. Sat on the floor, his back against the closed door. I was trapped. I receded into the closet. He set forth the terms of the divorce which he found acceptable, that is, what property he would get. A few months later he wrote in a letter that we do not get along & he wanted a divorce. Always a divorce. If you don't go to that function, I will divorce you. I regret marrying you. If we weren't married, then this relationship would be over. Now when the wolf is at the door, so to say, divorce is not the thing he wants. He says I play with him. I find this to be a projection of what he's doing to me. Toying with me. This whole therapy thing. If I don't appreciate that he's trying to save the marriage . . . weep weep . . . sucking me in. Or this whole thing about forgiveness. Forgive him everything . . . all on his terms so that he does not have to have the reflection of what he has done staring him down. He wants to erase the responsibility for what he has done. How can a person say & do such awful things & feel no responsibility? According to N, what is said in anger does not count. I tend to say so much less. The old adage: Be careful of what you say, you might regret it later. N is never careful about what he says & he never regrets. In fact, he goes on & on trying to convince me that his talk of divorce on a regular basis is a manifestation of the depth of his pain. I need to focus on the depth of his pain because I should have no pain related to his constant demand for a divorce. But when I say I want a divorce --it's a crime against HIM? There are no crimes against me. Only crimes against HIM.